//SENT MARCH 5TH, 2013 by anonymous
I never thought of myself as a dark star until I heard your song. But I am. I hide behind a mask Im always almost wearing. Living a life as a wife and mother. Trying to still get past all the hurt he did to me in the past. All the holes in walls, furniture and other items thrown at me or across the room. And all the bruises and pain to me and verbal abuse. We have come a long way since 3 yrs ago. But im only here for my kids. Thats the real truth. That and I feel stuck.
I dont really have many friends anymore. I wasnt able to go out much. So i am often feeling lonely and depressed. Im good at hiding it though. Family is really all I have. We pretend to be a happy family. And sometimes its so real. But it never fails that he will always bring me down. And I can never forget him being angry and abusive to me in front of our kids a few times. I can forgive but will never forget. And I will never be ok with that. And no one knows. I hide it. Take it and suck it up.
At times life can be so good. We seem happy. God knows I try. But the past sneeks in every now and then. And we are reminded of our hate for each other. Hes the type who will never leave me no matter if he is really happy or not. And I guess im the same. I tired once. But thats when the abuse all started. Who knows, maybe one day love can be real again. I dont remember what it feels like to be in love. My children’s love is overwhelming though. They are the sweetest kids and if they think we are a happy family then thats what we will be.
Ugh now you think im crazy. Life is such a roller coaster for me. Mainly my emotions. I can handle everything else. Its all just habit now. And maybe this is just what i deserve for staying. Maybe I am pathetic. At least hes trying to be better. We love our kids and want them to have the best. Tonight all I feel is lonely though. Writing this makes me feel a tad better anyways. Its a start. Other then all this…we look like a normal family and act like one (out of the home). Thats all that matters right. Well this is (some) of my dark star story. Sorry if it wasnt written well. Im tired as can be and am going to bed now.