//SENT JAN 29TH, 2013 by anonymous
I have destroyed almost every opportunity that for the first 20 years of my life I was offered. The 10% I took, exploded into things that have carried me this far. There is still so much I have yet to achieve, and as this year gears up. I realize, it’s going to happen.
What do I want?
That’s a question that always has as much loaded into it as a magnum.
I used to know. It was achievement. Then I didnt know, the way only horrible and beautiful events can disturb your vision, leaving you blinded and wandering through the darkness, bumping and stumbling.
I want to create experiences for people that they remember for the rest of their lives. I want to fall in love, be loved, but for some reason break hearts and be needed. I did it alot more when I was younger, before I realized what young love could do, had the power to do rather. Now, I suppose, I am a dark star because I wanted more than anything to fall in love, and have women at my beck and call, and now as I get closer and closer to that goal on a level noone I know has, I feel sad. I feel that loneliness I had get even deeper as I sift through women I realize how few actually have deep love, and caring in them, and the ones that do, are usually surrounded by mountains of shit I don’t know if I have the time to sift through.
So, I hurt, and love, and break, and build. And everytime it doesn’t get any easier. Even as I write this, I can imagine the last girl, looking up at me with loving eyes, or infatuated eyes rather, saying how we were perfect for each other, and I can feel the guilt welling up because god, I wish I could believe that the way I thought I once felt about her before all the truth came to light.
I guess, I’m just a dark star.